Funny: Gas Station Commandments

These are the previously unwritten rules of the gas station. I would like to say they are implied but after working at a gas station for a couple of months I feel that I need to take this time to spell it out for everyone.

1. When you get out of your car take a look at your pump number. Even if you think you looked at it, take another look at it. This goes doubly when the station is busy. If you tell me that you want $20 on pump number 5 then assume that I will put it on pump 5. If by chance you happened to have told me the wrong pump number then don’t get on your high horse like I screwed up. You’re the moron who told me the wrong number.

2. Don’t hang around the gas station for hours on end and try to be my friend. The gas station is generally boring as hell but listening to you drone on about how the neighbor plays music too loud at 2 o’clock in the afternoon isn’t exactly exciting either.  Go to a bar and talk to a bartender for these issues.

3. Don’t assume that your attendant is dumber than a box of rocks. Just so you know I speak english and I have a college degree. If it wasn’t for the Great Recession I would probably have a better job than you. On the contrary, if I prove otherwise then you are given full permission to talk shit when you exit the building.

4. The window squeegees are for your windows... not your whole damn car like one guy and a group of kids learned the hard way.

5. Don’t ask me for gas on loan. It’s not my business and your satisfaction isn’t worth costing me my crappy job.

6. Do not assume that I’m Arabic because I work at a gas station. This goes double when you are having a bad day and I’m not being fast enough for you and you decide to call me racial slurs. Not only are you ignorant for being a racist but you are equally stupid for not even using the correct racial slur to attempt to offend me.

7. Don’t expect me to come out and pump your gas. Let me clarify something! I don’t work in New Jersey, I don’t care if you are from New Jersey and I certainly give a rats ass if you are bothered by the gas fumes. Or the poor soul who drove their car to Michigan all the way from Oregon. There are the few rare exceptions when I come out and pump gas for customers most of which are generally ungrateful. Why in the hell would I pump your gas because you happen to be too lazy… it’s not even part of my job.

8. Don’t get pissed off at me when stuff is more expensive at the gas station than the grocery store for pop, chips, candy, etc. Remember to take note of your environment and realize you’re in a gas station. It is a gas station, which in short means you should expect to pay more for stuff you can get elsewhere.

9. If you don’t look older than dirt expect to get carded when you buy cigarettes. Just give me your damn card and don’t complain.

On a side note: If you are an older female and I card you because you don’t look older than dirt, I’m not hitting on you! This also means I really don’t want you to linger and hit on me either (See rule # 2).

10. We don’t have backup ice! Or backup anything… I don’t work at Costco!